Perfect
by TheShanTM
Summary: Steve reflects on his feelings towards his father. SongFic.


**A/N: I read the Outsiders in English a few weeks ago (I know, I'm a bit late into the game) And we watched the movie, too. This is my first fanfiction in this fandom. I decided to write this, even though Steve isn't really my favorite character but, hey, he needs love, too, right? Anyways, enjoy. Review and all that whatnot.**

**-Shan**

**Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own the Outsiders, the song, or the band.**

**Song: Perfect**

**Artist: Simple Plan**

**Fandom: The Outsiders**

**Characters: Steve**

**Word Count: 958**

**Summery: Steve reflects on his feelings towards his father.**

_**Perfect**_

_Hey, Dad, look at me. Think back and talk to me. Did I grow up according to plan?_

"Get out!" The words rang fresh in my ears as I made my way to the Curtis house to lay low until sometime tomorrow.

Of course, my dad kicked me out again. This had to be at least the third time this week.

I wish, just for once, he'd actually try to sort things out with me, rather than just telling me to get lost. Of course, it would never happen.

I was nothing but a bitter disappointment, after all.

_And do you think I'm wasting my time, doing things things I want to do? But it hurts when you disapprove all along._

Although I'd never admit it to the gang, not even to Sodapop, it hurt more and more each time he said those words. Was it so wrong for a teenager to want to do stupid things, after all?

He got so mad, though, when I'd rather go to the Nightly Double than do homework.

I think that's why he'd kicked me out this time. I could never be a hundred percent sure, though. It happened way too often.

_And I try hard to make it, I just want to make you proud. I'm never gonna be good enough for you, I can't pretend that I'm all right._

Another thing I'd never tell anyone; I did want to make him proud. I guess that's a natural feeling a kid never really loses.

And is it really so much to ask? For your parent to be proud of you, at least once?

Looking at the rest of the gang and their situations, I guess I know the answer to that.

Save the Curtis's, for obvious reasons, everyone in the gang was out for their parents' approval.

Johnny just wanted his folks to notice him, without slapping him around.

Dally, though he claimed to hate his folks, tried to get noticed by goin' out and breaking the law.

Two-Bit's mom had been a bit of a wreck since his dad skipped out, and I guess that's what some of the lame ass jokes are for. He just wants his mom to be happy with what she's got.

As for me, well, I'd never beg for attention in a way so obvious to everyone.

I'm content with everyone thinking I don't give a shit.

And you can't change me. Cause we lost it all, nothing lasts forever, I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

I know damn well I'm not perfect, and I'm not going to try to be.

You see, I ain't changing who I am just to get that bastard's approval. I'm past that.

I know by now it's a lost cause, anyways. It's obvious that no matter what I do, I won't impress him unless I'm flat out perfect, and as I said before, I ain't perfect and I ain't gonna strive to be just to make him happy.

_Now it's just too late, and we can't go back, I'm sorry I can't be perfect._

I guess by this point, we're too far gone.

You can never stop caring about your parents, not completely.

But, damn, if I ain't as close as you can get, I don't know what is.

I just like aging him on, now. He's going to yell anyways, ain't he? It always ends with hims saying the same damn words.

I might as well have some fun with it.

_I try not to think about the pain I feel inside. Did you know you used to be my hero?_

It hurt to remember that it hadn't always been like this. At one time, I'd loved my dad.

Looked up to him, even.

As stupid as it may sound, at one point I'd wanted to grow up to be just like him. I guess it's some sort of phase that all kids go through at one point.

But now, I'd kill myself before I ended up like he is.

I guess it's cause I see him for who he really is, now.

I don't want to be like that, ever.

_All the days you spent with me, now seem so far away, and it feels like you don't care anymore_

I wondered how it could have been only a few years ago that I'd actually looked up to him.

It felt like it'd been a lifetime since he'd actually cared about me.

Sad to think about, maybe, but true all the same.

_And now I try hard to make it, I just want to make you proud. I'm never gonna be good enough for you. I can't stand another fight. And nothing's alright._

It was easy to show up at Soda's house, all grins, pretending like I didn't really care that we'd just had another fight.

It was easy to pretend like it didn't happen every night.

Like it wouldn't happen again as soon as I got home.

_Nothing's gonna change the things that you said, nothing's gonna make this right again._

It was almost comical that he thought he could make it all up to me just by giving me five bucks when I got home.

Like five bucks could make me forget what he'd said.

Like five bucks could replace my fucking father.

Please don't turn your back, I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you but you don't understand

It was impossible for me to talk to him when all he did was scream back at me.

I get it.

I'm a worthless hood, I'll never amount to anything, I don't deserve to live in his house, yeah, I get the picture!

I just wish he'd stop yelling at me, just for a second, and listen to what I'm trying to say!

_Cause we lost it all, nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect. Now it's just too late and we can't go back, I'm sorry I can't be perfect..._


End file.
